Being aware of specific religious or cultural funeral etiquette can be helpful when attending a funeral or when comforting the bereaved.
Has listed some helpful information explaining some basic funeral etiquette from different religious and cultural backgrounds.
This is meant as a guideline only.
Within the Christian faith, there are numerous denominations including: Protestant, Roman Catholic, Christian Orthodox, Baptists, plus many others. In general, these religions share a commonality in how they practice the ritual of funerals. Although cultural distinctions may exist, it is important to be aware and knowledgeable of the proper rituals when attending a Christian funeral. Traditionally, the deceased is taken to a funeral home and is prepared for family viewing. The body will generally be presented in a casket then later buried at a cemetery. Depending on the final wishes of the deceased however, the remains may also be cremated. Generally, friends, family and acquaintances gather at the funeral home to offer their condolences to the family and pay their last respects to the deceased. Upon arrival at the funeral home, it is common to firstly approach the casket or urn and take a few moments to silently reflect or pray. When finished paying respect to the deceased, one is expected to approach the deceased's family and offer condolences. This is a very general and common procedure at most Christian Funerals. Today, many funerals may vary depending upon the final wishes of deceased or the deceased's family. Often times a funeral mass or service will take place in a Church or funeral home chapel. So, it is suggested that you find out specific funeral service details, which are generally posted in a local newspaper, on the internet with ObituariesToday.com or through word of mouth to be certain of times and dates.
Depending on the last wishes of the deceased, their family or cultural background, the body usually will be buried (Interned) in a final resting-place. Traditionally, the burial will take place at a cemetery or mausoleum. Close family and friends will gather around and a clergyman will recite ritualistic prayers. It was common for the casket to be lowered into the ground in the presence of those gathered. However, today the casket is usually lowered once everyone has left the cemetery. If the deceased has been cremated the remains will be placed in an urn and pending on the final arrangements the remains may either be scattered at a designated destination or kept by the family. A gathering or wake usually takes place immediately after the interment or is announced at a later date. This gathering is an opportunity for the family to offer thanks to those who have helped during their time of sadness and to also memorialize and celebrate the life of the deceased. Oftentimes food and beverages are serviced at these gatherings.
Traditionally, one was expected to wear black when visiting the funeral home or attending the funeral. Today, dark colours and conservative attire are also considered to be appropriate. To offer gestures of sympathy, quite often, it is proper to send the bereaved family a card or letter of condolence, flowers to the family's home or to the funeral home, or make a charitable donation on behalf of the deceased.
Within the Jewish faith, there exists 3 different sects, Conservative, Orthodox and Reform however all three share similar funeral rituals. According to Judaism, the deceased is usually buried the same day or within 24 hours because embalming is not permitted. The deceased's body is wrapped in a white burial shroud and is placed in a simple coffin made of wood. The Funeral Service takes place at the Synagogue where prayers, eulogies and sermons will be conducted. Depending on the religious sect, head coverings may be required. For Orthodox services both sexes are required to cover their heads, yarmulkes for men and scarves for women. For Conservative services, only men are required to wear yarmulkes. And for Reformed services, the choice is optional. Most Synagogues will provide the head coverings if required. Black and dark coloured conservative clothing is the most respectful attire. Once the funeral service has taken place only close friends and family members will proceed to the cemetery for burial. Once the coffin is lowered to the ground, close family members will place dirt on to the coffin. The focus, until the burial is on the deceased, after which, people may begin to approach the family and offer their condolences. Once the burial has taken place, Shiva (the mourning period) shall commence.
Shiva traditionally lasts for seven days and nights. The deceased's family is required to stay home for this time period, refraining from their day-to-day activities. Allowing mourners to focus on their grief and help prepare them to go back to their day-to-day duties. Shiva also allows friends, family and acquaintances to offer their condolences and offer help and support to the family. Friends and extended family usually prepare the first meal (Seudat Havrach) consisting of eggs, cookies, cake and fruit. Preparing food that is round in shape symbolizes the cycle of life. The Jewish tradition discourages people from cheering up the mourners, thus it is most appropriate to offer words that encourages family to come to terms with their mourning. It is not appropriate to send flowers. It is customary in the Jewish faith to plant trees to honor the memory of the deceased or to make a charitable donation in the deceased's name.
It is customary to bury the deceased immediately because embalming is not permitted in the Muslim faith. The body is prepared for burial by performing a ritualistic bath and is bound in a simple white shroud. The funeral service takes place in a Mosque where shoes are required to be removed; women and men sit separately in designated seats; and where women are obligated to wear a headscarf. The funeral service is brief, involving ritualistic chanting and readings from the Koran. Those in attendance will pay their respects by lining up and walking past the body, prior to the deceased being taken to their final resting-place. The deceased will be taken to the cemetery where the body is lowered into the ground, with the deceased's head pointing towards the direction of Mecca (The Islamic Holy Land).
A meal is later served at the Mosque for all those who attended the Funeral Service. Mourning for family members usually last for 3 days, 10 days for a widow mourning her husband. It is customary to bring food such as, baked goods and fruit or vegetable platters. Those offering their condolences should not bring or order flowers for the family. A food donation or a money donation is more acceptable. Within the Islamic faith it is a religious duty of members to help pay down the cost of the deceased's funeral expenses in order to help the family. While speaking with family members it is appropriate to listen to their grief and offer comforting words. The Muslim faith encourages family members to face and accept their bereavement.
Within the Buddhist faith customs may vary depending on culture and sects. There are however, a few traditional rituals in all Buddhist funeral services. They include chanting, incense burning and a memorial service. Historically, Buddhists have cremated their deceased, however burial is becoming more and more common with Chinese Buddhists. Those attending the funeral service are required to pay their condolences to the deceased and the family prior to the service at the funeral home. Wearing black or dark colours are not required. Wearing conservative clothing is the most appropriate, however, the colour red is frowned upon. If the funeral service takes place in the Temple, it is required to remove your footwear. During the funeral service a family member will initiate the service by offering a eulogy and present a life history about the deceased. Chanting sacred words will then take place. First a direct family member will ignite the incense and make a ritualistic offering. The family usually wears white because it is the colour for grieving, they will sit at the front of the room and accept condolences from those in attendance. When approaching the casket a simple bow is all that is required. After the funeral service interment will take place at a cemetery.
The family will pay special tribute to the deceased after the first year anniversary and the third year anniversary, ending the official grieving period. The first memorial gathering will take place within the first 7 days after the funeral. Friends and family will gather either at the temple or a family members home to remember and commemorate the deceased. It is appropriate when attending memorial services to bring with you gifts of food, preferably vegetarian plates or donations made in the name of the deceased.
Funerals usually take place within 24 hours after a death occurs. Embalming is forbidden because it is believed that the body must remain intact for the afterlife. The first-born son is in charge of the funeral arrangements. The funeral service usually takes place at a funeral home. Holy Montras (scriptures) are chanted by a Hindu priest who evokes the help of gods and deities to provide the soul the spiritual guidance to reach the eternal world successfully. Flowers may be placed on top of the deceased and a short service takes place at the crematorium. It is traditional that all Hindus are to be cremated. It is customary for bereaving family members wear white, and those attending the funeral should wear dark conservative clothing. Although sending flowers is not traditional, it is acceptable.
After these funeral rituals take place, Hindus are expected to grieve for 11 to 13 days. During this time family and friends are expected to visit the family and offer comfort and support. It is customary to bring gifts of food especially fruit. However, the direct family must strictly reduce their diets during this period. They are prohibited from consuming meat, salt, and certain vegetables. They are still required to wear white, the colour of mourning. By the last day of mourning, the Hindu priest conducts a ceremony in memory of the deceased where all family members participate. This will end the period of mourning allowing family members to return to their everyday lives. On the one-year anniversary, another ceremony takes place and it is then decided what is to be done with the ashes of the deceased. Depending on finances, family wishes and extent of the family's faith, it is most Hindus desire to have their ashes scattered in the holiest of places such as the Himalayas or the Ganges River.
The information provided is not meant to be a substitute for further inquires about specific regional, religious or cultural funeral rituals. It is a general guideline and is always interested in knowing more about your religious or cultural funeral etiquette.